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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

These two lines tied for my favorites of the day:

As I was getting Pie out of her carseat in the parking lot of Bed Bath and Beyond, the wind was howling around us and it was freeeeezing. I held her close to me as we ran into the store. As we ran, she said, "You like me a lot, dontcha?"

AND

On our way out of Carter's kids clothing store, Olivia spotted a preschool-aged boy. "Look at him!" She said in an amused tone. "Yeah," I replied. "He's wearing a hat, just like you!"
She responded with, "He looks cool...sort of..."

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Comma, comma, come ON! (really?!)

What is it about poop that Olivia has found so funny lately? First she's pooping her flute, now this:
We've been engaging in a LOT of baby talk these days, er...talking about the new baby, not talking LIKE babies. Can you imagine? The three of us around the dinner table: "O-wiv-ee-a, want more pot woast?" It makes me uncomfortable even thinking about it. Strike the image from your mind...immediately.
Olivia has gotten to feel Baby Girl kicking and often puts her hand on my belly, hoping to catch some "gymnastics." We visit the baby's room, discuss what she might look like (Funny thing - the other day Pie saw a picture of a baby in a frame and asked if it was __________.), refer to her by her  99%-sure name, and talk about what life will be like when she arrives, specifically the activities the girls will get to do together.
Yesterday, I was sitting in a reclining position and Olivia had her hand on my stomach, waiting patiently for Baby's signs of life. It was then she asked me if __________ could sit. I told her, no, our baby doesn't know how to do anything yet. In fact, "when ___________ is born, the only things she'll know how to do will be eat, poop, and cry."
Olivia hesitated. "Eat...poop? Eat poop?!"
Realizing I had been unclear, I quickly corrected, using my fingers to count off the things she would do, "Eat. Poop. Cry."
"Eat poop!"
"No silly! Yuck! We don't eat poop! Ick!"
"Eat poop. That's yucky." But then again, "Eat poop and cry!"
So, clearly, she understood, but couldn't let it go. I guess the visual of her baby sister eating poop (and crying - who wouldn't?!) was just too funny to let go.
I tried reversing the order and even added "sleep" to the list (cry, poop, sleep and eat) but, no, "eat poop" it will be for a while...
Again, what's with the 9-year-old boy hi-jacking my kid?!
And, is it too early to teach her about commas?

Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Three Little Pigs - Part II (Vulgarity)

We are prettttty careful about what we say around our little Pie. I never thought I'd be so conservative, but something just feels weird about my two-year-old saying "butt," for instance. So imagine my surprise when, the other day, Olivia was running around, playing her real "flute" (plastic recorder that was a gift in her Christmas stocking) chanting the usual, "I toot my flute and I don't give a hoot," when suddenly, her carefree Disney words morphed into, "I toot my flute, I poop my flute, I fart my flute!" (yes, FART!) all while standing over her Christmas "flute."
Shocked at the 9-year-old boy who had taken over my daughter's body, I tried to remain calm while I asked, "What?!?! What did you say?!!?!? Did you say 'fart'? Who said that?" (So much for remaining calm)
"I did," was her  duh-Mom reply.
"But where did you hear that?"
After thinking for a while and hearing the question repeated a few more times, she gave me the hilarious and ironic answer: "Bible school."  As in, BSF, or Bible Study Fellowship, which she attends once a week with my mother-in-law.
So, add that to the list of what she's learned in BSF:
1. Her first memorized Bible verse (Is. 50:7, in case you were wondering) last spring
2. Picking up a Bible and saying, "This is the true and holy word of God"
3. Learning and using the word "fart"

By the way, after telling her "we don't say that, even though other people do" (I wonder how many times I'll be saying THAT over the next 15 years...) I haven't heard the f-word since.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

The Three Little Pigs - Part I

For the past few months, ever since acting it out as a game at my aunt and uncle's with her cousins, Olivia has been obsessed with the story of the Three Little Pigs. We play it at home (she alternates between wanting to be a pig or the Big Bad Wolf) and she very frequently requests we tell her the story. We don't have the story in book form so a few weeks ago, I was searching for alternative ways to deliver the story when I came across a You Tube video. It is the Disney "Silly Symphony" version from 1933 that I remember seeing as a kid. It is eight and a half minutes of cartoon gold. Olivia doesn't watch TV/movies yet so it was a huge treat for her to get to watch the video. She has since seen it probably five or six times. She loves the whole thing, but there are a few key moments that tend to be acted out often around our house. Of course, the "not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin" is a favorite line, as is the chorus "Who's afraid of the big bad wolf, the big bad wolf...fa la la la la la!" But her other favorite part is when the first pig has finished building his (very poorly constructed) straw house and has a bunch of time to kill while Pig #3 slaves away. He decides to use his time to sing the jaunty "big bad wolf" chorus, which includes a couple verses. Thirty seconds into the video, Pig #1 sings, "I toot my flute and I don't give a hoot and I play around all day." Olivia has adopted this as her #1 favorite line of the video. Daily, at least, she'll chant that, whilst playing her imaginary flute (which she interprets as more of a clarinet-type instrument, judging from her hand position). For the first few weeks, I let her mistakenly say, "I don't give a hoop" until I finally corrected her. For some reason, she feels the most light-hearted and moved to sing this after her bath, when she is naked and fancy-free, usually in front of the mirror. It's a hilarious and wholly-Olivia scene.
More on this "toot my flute" narrative in the next day or two, as things turned vulgar...

Watch the (super fun and entertaining even for adults) You Tube video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Olo923T2HQ4

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Question: Do you know what a "clo" is? (as in a "cl" word that rhymes with "dough")
Answer: a two-year-old's singular form of the word "clothes."

Usage in a sentence: "Mom, don't spray that (stain remover) on me! I'm not a clo!"
OR
"Now the crayon isn't wearing a clo." (after removing the wrapper from the red crayon)
This afternoon Olivia came up to me, gave me a pat, and said, "I like you a lot. I'm going to play now."
I'll take it.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Passport

We are going to Cancun in a few weeks with Evan's parents. We're stoked. The excitement is catching, as today Olivia said, "I want to go to Mexico right now!"
Since we're leaving the country, Olivia needs to get a passport. As Evan and I read over the requirements and fees, we realized that we could save $17 if we took a picture of Olivia and brought it to the passport place instead of getting one taken there. Here are the requirements from the official government website:

  • In color
  • Printed on photo quality paper
  • 2 x 2 inches (51 x 51 mm) in size
  • Sized such that the head is between 1 inch and 1 3/8 inches (between 25 and 35 mm) from the bottom of the chin to the top of the head. View the Photo Composition Template for more size requirement details.
  • Taken within the last 6 months to reflect your current appearance
  • Taken in front of a plain white or off-white background
  • Taken in full-face view directly facing the camera
  • With a neutral facial expression and both eyes open
  • Taken in clothing that you normally wear on a daily basis:
  • Uniforms should not be worn in your photo, except religious clothing that is worn daily.
  • Do not wear a hat or head covering that obscures the hair or hairline, unless worn daily for a religious purpose. Your full face must be visible, and the head covering must not cast any shadows on your face.
  • Headphones, wireless hands-free devices or similar items are not acceptable in your photo.
  • If you normally wear prescription glasses, a hearing device or similar articles, they may be worn for your photo.
  • Dark glasses or non-prescription glasses with tinted lenses are not acceptable unless you need them for medical reasons (a medical certificate may be required)
  • Glare on glasses is not acceptable in your photo. Glare can be avoided with a slight downward tilt of the glasses or by removing the glasses or by turning off the camera flash.                                                Wow. As crazy as these directions sound if you were going to, yourself, be the subject, I can assure you getting a two-year-old to comply with these directions is ten times harder. We've just about reached mastery in the area of "smile and say cheese" when she sees a camera so the whole "neutral expression" thing rather than a smile was a challenge. As was a "full-face view directly facing the camera." It took the bribery of an M&M to get her to work with me, but in the end, we came away with a usable photograph that I cropped to the correct size. I just have to share the out-takes. Enjoy.
  • Does this qualify as "eyes open"?

    Not quite neutral mouth, but it's close. 
    Do sleepy eyes count?

    "Olivia, don't smile!"

    "Tilt your chin down." 
    "No, not that far down. And, Pie, every time you move your head, your hair covers your face. Hold still!"

    "Close your mouth and turn your face toward Mommy. Remember, if you cooperate, you get an M&M!"

    The winner (after being cropped). Don't mess with this kid.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

When you grow up

Evan and I gave Olivia Richard Scarry's "Best Storybook Ever" for Christmas. It's awesome. There are EIGHTY-TWO stories in it - most of the stories are only a couple pages - but it's perfect for a two-year-old. Olivia and I were laying down reading in her bed the other day when we came to a section titled, "When You Grow Up." Across two pages, a couple dozen occupations with pictures were listed. We read through them all. Some included were an artist, farmer, mother, milk man (?!), nurse, teacher, pilot and many others. Of course, after reading all of them, I asked Olivia, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" She reached her hand over to me, cupped my chin and said, "This one."
"What one?" I asked. "You want to be a mommy when you grow up?"
Pie and Mommy reading the book as soon as she opened it on Christmas morning.
"Yep."

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

It is better to give...

I just realized today, after careful listening, that Olivia calls "gifts" (presents) "gives." I hadn't noticed it before. I cannot correct her because 1.) it's cute and 2.) it seems totally appropriate since the presents are being "given." I love it and think I might start saying "gives" too...